A gift

I was always told that when you receive a gift you don’t like or want, you don’t have to accept it. And by not accepting this gift, you are refusing to hold onto the burden of receiving something that doesn’t have a place in your life.

Likewise, by not accepting hurtful words said by others, you are invincible. Succumbing to anger means you’ve been defeated because you are accepting those words as the truth. And there’s nothing worse than being defeated by stupid words that can be passed off as noise.

7

7 is a stupid number. I think this is why se7en chose to be 7, because the stupid number matches his stupid face.

Whoever decided that 7 is a lucky number must not have been sober and probably looked at the number sideways and thought it was a <3 without the 3. I’ve done that before. Depending on the font, 7 can look like < at a different angle. Or not. Whatever.

The past 7 months have been the biggest roller coaster ride of my life. The highs were really high and the lows were the lowest of lows. I didn’t understand why things couldn’t go smoothly, but I think I finally figured it out. It’s like if two people, who spoke completely different languages, tried to communicate an idea to build something together but they can’t because they don’t understand each other. And it’s not because one person is communicating the wrong idea, it’s because of the language barrier and not having the patience to listen closely. And it’s especially hard to understand the other person when frustration gets in the way. Patience is a virtue that is far from my reach. But maybe someday we’ll grow up and learn how to speak the same language.

And the past 7 months will have been totally worth it.

Picture time

I’ve been kind of a downer lately.

So, on a lighter, slightly happier note, I shall leave you with this happy drawing (try to guess the theme):

It’s really easy. I mean, if you didn’t get it then we will never be partners in pictionary or any other game that involves guesswork.

At least there’s candy

Yesterday, dear friends, was St. Valentine’s Day. And while romanticism may fail you (or just me), candy will not. Especially half off sales on candy because the holiday is over. Thank goodness the holidays are celebrated by giving our loved ones potential diabetes. There’s nothing that refined sugar, dyed with food coloring and artificial flavors can’t solve.

Anyone VS. Any one

“50% of the world is made up of the opposite sex. There is no need to get worked up over one.”

“True. But it’s not about getting worked up over just anyone. It’s just the one I’m making a big deal about.”

“Pathetic.”

Good things come in six

A six pack, half a dozen, beer, condoms, McNuggets..

And half a year! Poor bf.. the past six months have been crazy. Like, Vietnamese girls seeking revenge kind of crazy.

When we first met, I knew you would be TROUBLE because cute boys are always trouble. I still haven’t figured out why, but you are lucky you’re cute because you are indeed trouble at its best. I wasn’t very drunk that night, but apparently you were, and it’s a good thing it was you and not me so when we tell our ‘how-we-met’ story, mine is more valid.

It’s funny how we started. Both of us knowing very well, to stay away from each other for various reasons. But we are a good example of how going against your innate voice of reason can turn out to be a good thing. And with the good comes the bad, and we both fell so fast, it was hard to keep our emotions in check (damn Korean temperament). But with all the crazy out of the way, the next 6 months, or six sears, or even sixty years, will be smooth driving from here.

I fell in love with you very quickly, and despite my saying it was because you are cute, that is not the only reason! It’s just the main reason.. ha! But it’s been the best six months and I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything we’ve been through has brought us to where we are now, and we’re happy and that’s all that matters. Let’s keep it this way. Otherwise, I kill you.

<3

Miss You

The only grandmother I’ve ever had and known passed away before Christmas. It was the first time someone I loved passed away, and it was a really sad and quiet time for everyone because no one knew how to put their sadness into words. I imagine my grandmother is nicely settled into heaven now, so I wrote her a letter to give her a break from poolside chillin with Frank Sinatra and Shirley Temple.

Hey, remember the time you curled my hair in ringlets to make me look like Shirley Temple, but instead you burnt off half my hair with ancient hot rollers because my hair is so much thinner than White people hair? Yeah, I forgive you. I’m sorry none of us were there by your side as you entered your new life in heaven. That wasn’t fair, but life isn’t fair, and you know that better than me. But what is fair, is that we all die, and we will all join you soon, and it’ll be really awesome for us because you’ll show us where everything is, especially the jacuzzi and open bar.

Death is a concept beyond my understanding. But what little I know about it is that death is really selfish. Not for the dying, but for the living. We miss you a lot and your presence is irreplaceable. It was the first time I ever saw Dad cry, and he didn’t even cry when I dropped a brick on the hood of his 64 Corvette. I hope that when you went, it was easy and painless. I hope there wasn’t a line, with pushy Chinese people who cut in front of you, and that you were greeted by loved ones holding giant signs with your name on it to make you feel right at home.

I wish we could have spent more time together. I wish you could have taught me how to cook fatty white people food like grits and gravy, and how to make pottery and stitch. When we’re together again, we’ll overindulge in butter soaked food and we won’t get fat or full because there are no carbs in Heaven, and our stomachs forever expand while we stay a size 0. I love you. You’ve rested long enough, party hard with the people you’ve missed for so long.

Stay alive

I only made one New Year’s resolution for 2012. I promised myself to stay alive, and I figured the best way to do that is to stop smoking. I shared this with a few people and they didn’t seem impressed, which is weird because not dying is a huge goal.

In addition to my one resolution, I shall try hard not to forget shit. Sometimes I feel like I have early symptoms of dementia, which is not something to joke about, but it’s starting to get me in trouble. It’s the most annoying when I’m trying to make a point with the bf, and then the conversation flips a bitch and lands me in the hot seat. Oh well.. I should be grateful that between the two of us, at least one of us has a good memory. I just wish that person was me.

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,

Happy Merry Birthday Christmas Holiday Spirit!!!

I think as a non-parent, I am still obligated to believe in you since my parents worked so hard to convince me you exist. I feel like we’ve grown up together. After all, I’ve been writing to you since I was 8, and even though you’ve never written back, we cool.

But you know, I’m 25 years old now and I think society considers me an adult, and I don’t think adults are supposed to write letters to Santa anymore so I’ve decided to stop. After this one, of course.

I just wanted to let you know that I’ve moved past the gifts and I’ve learned that the true spirit of Christmas is love, peace, and good will towards men (this is way easier said than done because most of mankind= idiots). It’s about celebrating life with family and friends, and aside from the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas, it’s a time to appreciate everyone and everything, including myself. This was the year that I’ve come to realize that not everything has to be perfect. Nothing can be perfect of course, but what isn’t perfect can still be right. I’m still learning that, and also how to not spill on myself while drinking and walking at the same time.

So, yeah. There you have it. No Christmas list filled with ‘wants and needs,’ but rather a hearty ‘Cheers!’ to life. Except, I’m still waiting on that pony I asked for 10+ years ago. Just sayin.

Cheers to the holidays!

J.K.

No Smoking

Fucking cigarettes. I’m not smoking them on a regular basis, but damn their seductive pull on me and making it hard to quit. It’s the oddest thing because the more trouble I have been having with my respiratory system, the more I cripple myself with smoke inhalation. It’s a debilitating relationship that I can’t seem to quit. Which raises the question- what other relationships are helping me versus hurting me.